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мои творения :)
КаннибалДата: Понедельник, 05.11.2007, 23:07 | Сообщение # 1
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здесь я буду вылаживать свои творения rolleyes
буду рад конструктивной критике! prof но не судите строго! ведь я не писатель book я только учусь! smile

Добавлено (05.11.2007, 23:06)
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Кровавая месть.
Ночь. Полнолуние. По лесу мчится неестественно большого размера лев, подминая кусты и ломая ветки деревьев. Кроме общих габаритов у этого льва большие мышцы с ярко выраженным рельефом, угольно-чорная шерсть, огромные клыки, очень мощная челюсть, высокий лоб и тёмно-красные глаза.
«Я отомщу за тебя любимая! Даже ценой собственной жизни!» – думал он, мчась всё быстрее – «Эти жалкие людишки поплатятся за содеянное!». Думая про то как люди жестоко расправились с его любимой (ведьмой) заживо спалив её. «Она же не хотела им зла!! Она жила своей жизнью!! За что??? За то что она просто была ведьмой???!!!» - всё больше разъяряясь от этих мыслей лев, достиг такой скорости что ветки и листья при контакте с его телом обугливались а сухие даже воспламенялись. Приближаясь на невероятной скорости к небольшому городу, в котором казнили его ведьму, он, оглушительно зарычав, не обращая внимания на охранников, одним прыжком перемахнул через 5ти метровую, каменную стену, на лету полоснул когтями ошарашенного стража на стене и, приземлившись на пустынную улицу, продолжая оглушительно рычать, направился в центр города к зданию мэрии, высекая когтями искры из каменной кладки дороги. Он знал в этом городе каждую улицу, так как перед нападением внимательно его изучил.
Сонные стражи наконец-то забили тревогу и по всему городу раздавался боевой звон колокола. Когда оборотень добежал до центра города там уже столпилось большое количество солдат, а священник, который дал добро на сожжение стоял на балконе 4го этажа (каждый этаж по 3 метра) огромного здания мэрии. Зарычав, так что полопались стёкла ближайших зданий, он одним прыжком оказался в центре площади и, сопровождая каждый свой удар рыком, атаковал. Прыгнув на ближайшего война оборотень отбил его меч и, повалив на землю, откусил голову. Фонтан крови забрызгал рядом стоящих и залил каменную кладку. Метнув откушенную голову в ближайшего человека, с такой силой что тот упал и не двигался, оборотень начал царапать, рвать, кусать, откусывать.… Во все стороны летели части тел и брызги фонтанов крови. По всему городу, с центра, разносились крики боли, ужаса и отчаяния, текли кровавые реки. Оборотень с ненавистью разрывал тела окружающих его воинов, вспоминая свою любовь и думая про то как она мучилась, сгорая заживо.

Добавлено (05.11.2007, 23:06)
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На площадь, гремя тяжёлыми доспехами, вбежали рыцари. Они окружили окровавленную площадь, выставив вперёд щитовиков, за ними арбалетчики, копейщики и последними мечники. На балконе показался высокий мужчина в тяжёлых доспехах генерала и что-то громко прокричал. Нападающие на оборотня резко прекратили атаку и побежали к рыцарям. Щитовики пропустив убегающих тут же замкнули щиты. Оборотень обрадовался внезапному отступлению подумав что враги в панике бежали но увидев окруживших его рыцарей сразу понял в чём дело. «Серебро!! Они вооружены серебряным оружием!» - закипая от злости думал оборотень рассматривая новых противников – «за тебя, моя любовь!!! Скоро мы снова увидимся!!!!» - и с оглушительным рыком атаковал. В бегущего оборотня полетел залп арбалетных болтов. Он не смог увернутся от всех болтов и несколько из них царапнула его но не обращая внимание на жгучую боль оборотень продолжил атаку. После залпа арбалетчики отошли назад пропустив копейщиков. Оборотень уже немного выдохся и не смог подпрыгнуть достаточно высоко, чтобы его не зацепили копейщики, и на его животе появилось несколько незаживающих, глубоких царапин. Ловко увернувшись от выставленных в верх мечей оборотень приземлился в тылу обороны из рыцарей и собрав оставшуюся энергию атаковал с ещё большей яростью. Уворачиваясь от атак, подныривая под руки с оружием, отбрасывая щиты он уже не наслаждался боем, не разрывал своих врагов, наслаждаясь их криками, а атаковал хладнокровно и расчётливо, экономя силы и стараясь унести с собой как можно больше жизней. Каждое его движение стало атакой. Каждый его удар был смертельным. Он убивал молча. Его атаковали тоже молча. Площадь наполнилась мёртвым молчанием, звоном оружия, звуками разрывающейся плоти, треском костей и стоном умирающих. С лица монаха пропала довольная улыбка и уверенность в себе. Сейчас оно выражало ужас. Ужас от того что монах неожидал что оборотень настолько сильный. Ужас от количества крови, трупов, частей тел и потрохов, заполнивших площадь. «Этого не может быть!! Этого не может быть!!!» - цепенея от ужаса думал побледневший монах у которого поседели оставшиеся волосы. Генерал что-то кричал, выкрикивая приказы, но в пылу боя его никто не слышал. Силы оборотня начали иссекать, но он продолжал двигаться с прежней ловкостью, нанося смертельные удары. Один за другим рыцари бросали оружие и снимая на ходу броню убегали, несмотря на угрозы генерала. Они просто ничего не слышали кроме стука своего сердца и ничего не чувствовали кроме ужаса. Когда с площади убегал последний выживший рыцарь оборотень не стал гнаться за ним. Он посмотрел на балкон, с которого генерал уволакивал оцепеневшего монаха. Оборотень был весь в крови, прилипших волосах и потрохах. На его когтях и клыках были остатки плоти и ткани. Громко рыкнув он начал быстро взбираться по стене и забравшись на балкон принюхался. Учуяв запах монаха и генерала он побежал за ними. Когда они показались в поле зрения оборотень ускорил бег но генерал его тоже заметил и толкнув монаха в ближайшую комнату, захлопнул за ним дверь и вынув из ножен двуручный меч стал в боевую стойку. Оборотень, перейдя на шаг, медленно подходил к рыцарю на задних лапах. Чем ближе подходил оборотень тем больше дрожали руки рыцаря, учащалось его дыхание. Оборотень, скалясь окровавленными клыками, подошёл так близко что меч рыцаря уткнулся ему в грудь и по нему начала стекать кровь с шерсти оборотня. С клыка оборотня отлип чей-то глаз, упал с характерным шлепком на меч и медленно сползая по лезвию упал на мраморный пол. Увидев это рыцарь задрожал ещё больше и чуть не выронил меч.

Добавлено (05.11.2007, 23:07)
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- Можешь идти. Ты мне не нужен – спокойно прорычал оборотень и указав на дверь добавил – мне нужен он. – Агга – заикаясь ответил рыцарь и бросив меч побежал.
Посмотрев на дверь, за которой скрывался монах, оборотень зарычал. От мысли об убийстве монаха у него «вскипела» кровь. Ударом ноги он выбил дверь и вошёл в комнату. Забившись в дальний угол, в луже собственной мочи, сидел дрожащий монах. Посмотрев на вошедшего оборотня он вскрикнул и начал пытаться отползать назад но у него ничего не получалась так как мешала стена. Оставляя за собой кровавые следы оборотень, наслаждаясь страхом монаха, подошёл к нему и подняв одной рукой за шею другой рукой пробил ему грудную клетку вырвав сердце. Держа умирающего монаха он съел его сердце. Взяв клыками монаха за шкирку он выбежал из здания и помчался за город к месту захоронения своей любимой.
Бросив тело монаха возле «могилы» любимой (могилой это было назвать сложно.. скорее просто закопанная яма) оборотень акуратно разрыл могилу, бережно очистил останки от земли и подняв монаха над могилой тихо сказал – я отомстил за тебя любимая.
Снова бросив тело рядом с могилой оборотень выломал две толстые, прямые ветки и сделал из них крест. Воткнув крест рядом с могилой он распял на нём монаха, лёг в могилу обняв останки ведьмы и медленно превратился в человека. «Скоро мы будем в месте..» - потухающим голосом сказал оборотень умирая от смертельных ран. Он гладил обгоревший череп и беззвучно плакал.
С рассветом люди наконецто решились выйти из своих домов с ужасом наблюдая кровавое месиво в центре города. Собрав оставшеюся стражу они пошли по кровавым следам. Дойдя до могилы ведьмы они увидели там красивого, мускулистого, длинноволосого мужчину (цвет волос разобрать было невозможно так как они были полностью в крови) в крови, исполосанного смертельными ранами и обнимающего обгоревшие останки спалённой ими ведьмы. И распятого монаха который дал добро на сожжение.


Моё голодное сердце..
Моя сухая душа..
Я был сражон! Но теперь я
Крепче стали и холодней льда!
 
DivaДата: Вторник, 06.11.2007, 21:55 | Сообщение # 2
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Хорошо, Каннибал smile

Quote (Каннибал)
С клыка оборотня отлип чей-то глаз, упал с характерным шлепком на меч и медленно сползая по лезвию упал на мраморный пол. Увидев это рыцарь задрожал ещё больше и чуть не выронил меч.

Прикольно happy

Quote (Каннибал)
Забившись в дальний угол, в луже собственной мочи, сидел дрожащий монах.

Это мне не понравилось. Сильно грубо sad

А в целом, молодец, довольно интересно написано smile


Я буду крізь сльози сміятись,
Серед лиха співати пісні,
Без надії таки сподіватись,
Жити хочу! Геть думи сумні!
 
КаннибалДата: Четверг, 08.11.2007, 21:41 | Сообщение # 3
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дык манах же был трусливым падонком! smile поетому и обосцался! smile
в средние века религия использовалась для управления государством.. по этому настоящих верующих монахов было очень мало! а данный монах верующим небыл.. по этому и испугался так сильно!


Моё голодное сердце..
Моя сухая душа..
Я был сражон! Но теперь я
Крепче стали и холодней льда!
 
ВерисаДата: Суббота, 10.11.2007, 15:08 | Сообщение # 4
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Хочу выложить свою незаконченую историю,но продолжаемую................не судите сторого)))

- Хочу поведать маленькую историю своей жизни,которая продлилась на много веков…-
-История моей жизни началась тогда когда только происходили беспорядки переходящие в мятежи .Моя семья жила тогда в Египте, правителем страны был молодой фараон Тутанхамон-2.Был он человеком жестоким и неуровновешеным. В порывах гнева он мог запросто забить человека кнутом насмерть.Тогда много людей погибло ,особенно на стройке усыпальницы фараона.
Девушка замолчала , ее взгляд был устремлен за окно, куда- то вдаль.
Мое желание узнать что с ней произошло ,заставляла меня подгонять девушку.
-И что же случилось?-с нетерпением спросил я.
-КХ…-деловито кашлянула она, давая знать, что никуда не торопится и что не желает, что б ее торопили.
-Мои родители,-сказала девушка ,как и все другие работали на стройке, тяжело зарабатывая себе на хлеб .И как только они узнали что у них будет ребенок ,то сильно огорчились. Им и так еле хватало на двоих,а тут еще и я…-тяжело вздохнув, она и присела на край кресла.
А-а как же…?-,но девушка прервала меня до того ,как я произнес вопрос, продолжила. Когда мне исполнилось всего 6…ммм, они решили что надо избавится от лишнего рта, и продали меня на блошином рынке за несколько кило риса и пшена, меня купил один богатый купец.Его звали Ракх ,улыбаясь добавила, типичное имя в то время…
-И как же ты стала тем….????-начал было я, но глянув в ее зеленые глаза,так и нее смог задать свой вопрос. Эти глаза,как два изумруда и улыбка скрывали тайну, которую я пытался понять . То ли злоба то ли флирт. Иногда мне казалось, что эти глаза и тело сведут с ума, если б не один случай, который я вам чуть позже расскажу.
-Ракх стал для меня чем-то ,вроде отца .Он и кормил и одевал и даже научил меня читать и писать .Но в один прекрасный день, он повел меня в странный храм ,который находился недалеко от его дома. Говорил при этом ,что я была рождена для создания чего-то высшего и что этого пожелал великий Бог.Но из тех речей наверно мне запомнилось только одно , опустив глаза тихо произнесла она
-Ты не такая как все и надо вернуть назад…
Подняв подбородок ее злаза зло засверкали .Я никогда не забуду той ночи…Когда меня подвели к алтарю, приказав раздется догола и лечь на холодный камень. Как начали распевать странные песни на незнакомом языке. Это меня очень испугало и я подняла глаза на своего так званого отца.Он смотрел как будто увидел волка рядом со мной, попятился назад, оставляя в руках какого то монаха в балахоне.
Тот взял меня на руки и понес к алтарю,при этом сковал руки в железные наручники-ее голос начинал дрожать и постепенно перешел в шепот.
Когда все было приготовлено для ритуала ,монахи(а их было 9)стали в круг ,начали распевать еще одну песнь.Когда они прикратили петь,то за окном послышался шорох и в комнату впрыгнуло необычное животное-и посмотрев на меня ужаснулась,как будто опять увидела его…
-И что же произошло????-неудержался я.
Опомнившись она продолжила рассказ –Как только оно запрыгнуло, один монах преподнес передо мной бутыль с кровью.и капнув на мое тело несколько капель,метнулся к стенке.Чудовище мерными шагами подешел к алтарю,втягивая ноздрями дурманящий запах зычно рыкнуло и вцепилось в меня-оборвав рассказ она опять поднялась с кресла и подошла к окну.Дождь на улице давал малую надежду на спокойную ночь,но только не сегодня.
-Марет..было произнес я, но опять меня оборвали на полуслове..-Рей,достаточно-тихо проихнесла девушка не оборачиваясь к своему собеседнику.
-Сегодня ты достаточно услышал - развернувшись к двери она на прощание подняла руку -До свидания Рей…
-Но…как же это…-в недоумении я уставился на девушку.А как же продолжения истории…ведь это важно для меня.
-Что ж-помедлив произнесла она это можно будет повторить в следущую ночь,развернувшись вышла за дверь.
-Я так и остался сидеть в кресле и думать, над тем что мне услышать…

Добавлено (10.11.2007, 15:08)
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Глава 1
Я с нетерпением ждал следующей ночи. Так и не смог уснуть по утру. Слишком было велико мое возбуждение после ее рассказа. Целый день я бродил вдоль и попрек своей маленькой библиотеке пытаясь воскресить все подробности расказаного. Что то крылось еще в этом рассказе,и она пыталась скрыть от меня.
-Что ж пусть все расскажет сама,-с этими словами я задремал.
Разбудил меня маленький шорох в скаду. Приоткрыв глаза я увидел перед собой несколько фигур в длинных плащах. Их головы покрывали капюшоны и я не смог расмотреть их лица.Но одна фигура скинула капюшон и передомной предстала моя вчерашняя собеседница.
-Рей-мило произнесла она- давно не виделись Рей. Я тебя не испугала?-склонила на бок свою прелестную головку.
Отойдя от страха, я приподнялся на локти.- Вообще то испугала -смущено проговорил я. -А кто эти люди? Хотя их головы были покрыты капюшоном, но чувствовалось что они улыбаются на сказанные мной слова .Присев на край кресла, поодаль моей кровати,она сняла полностью с себя плащ. Ее тело покрывала черная бархатная ткань платья ,на которой красивым узором разместились змеи обвивавшие розу. Черные, густые волосы водопадом спадали ей на спину. Стройная, грациозная фигурка, с нежной кожей воплощало герцогиню, из известной дворянской семьи. Лицо покрывала прозрачная, черного цвета вуаль, придавая таинственность.Даже под вуалью,скрывавшей ее прелестное личико можна было увидеть белизну кожи. Я на конецто сел на кровать и потер затекшую шею.
-Эсли ты готов слушать дальше, то слушай- помолчав мгновение, продолжила -Если тебя конечно не смущает присутствие моих друзей??- вопросительно посмотрела моя собеседница.Конечно я мог сказать о том ,что ее друзья слегка меня тревожат,но подумав не стал говорить ничего. Только поудобней уселся на кровати, прихватил блокнот с ручкой.Впервую ночь рассказ етой милой особы поверг меня в сострясение, еще не единого раза я неслышал такого захватывающего рассказа жизни.


Тело покинула жизнь...но ты жива
Спасение тьма,губителен свет
ты не человек....ты зверь во плоти
наслаждайся кровью и живи....вечность в пререди
 
КаннибалДата: Воскресенье, 11.11.2007, 14:17 | Сообщение # 5
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тепрь я не буду спать!! biggrin начало класное! happy

Моё голодное сердце..
Моя сухая душа..
Я был сражон! Но теперь я
Крепче стали и холодней льда!
 
ВерисаДата: Понедельник, 12.11.2007, 12:12 | Сообщение # 6
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гы пасиба.....буду стаатся

Тело покинула жизнь...но ты жива
Спасение тьма,губителен свет
ты не человек....ты зверь во плоти
наслаждайся кровью и живи....вечность в пререди
 
RobotexДата: Среда, 28.11.2007, 20:36 | Сообщение # 7
Лейтенант
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Вот, накалякал:

Сандарелл бежал по лесу. Дыхание его было относительно спокойным, взгляд устремлен вперед. Словно и не было этой погони… Словно не бежал он два дня и две ночи. Он очень устал… Ему хотелось пить, есть, спать. Легкие горели, ноги казались свинцовыми. Хотелось бросить все, упасть на землю и умереть. На этот раз навсегда…
Но он не мог. Каждая секунда промедления увеличивала расстояние между ним и его врагом. А позволить ему снова уйти было нельзя. И Сандарелл заставлял себя бежать дальше. Старался успокоить дыхание, переставлял непослушные ноги и бежал…
Вот лес стал реже и в кронах деревьев засверкали утренние лучи солнца. Но воин не обратил на это никакого внимания. Взгляд его был направлен только вперед… Там, где заканчивался лес, находились руины Тангар Адуна – проклятого города.
«Неужели он настолько безумен?» - размышлял Сандарелл. – «Так безумен, что решил спрятаться в Тангаре? Нет… Он далеко не глупец… Это часть его плана. Вот только в этом плане, он кое-что не учел. Не учел меня…»

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FolmДата: Среда, 30.05.2012, 22:16 | Сообщение # 8
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Люблю читати прозу. Сам ще нічого цікавого не написав ))) Дуже багато гарної прози можна почитати на сторінках літературного журналу "Дніпро". Думаю що кожен може знайти для себе щось цікаве.
 
astenseMiskДата: Вторник, 23.04.2013, 20:21 | Сообщение # 9
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HoidaTonДата: Среда, 30.10.2013, 09:47 | Сообщение # 10
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HoidaTonДата: Среда, 30.10.2013, 11:22 | Сообщение # 11
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